Reconsidering Thanksgiving

Dear Parents and Teachers


Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  Like many of you perhaps, I love the combination of cooking, eating, Fall and family time.


But it’s also a great jumping off point, with our children, to challenge what we think about this holiday, and its history, from a new perspective.  Thanksgiving is of course a bittersweet day, at best, for many of the indigenous people of North America for whom the day is a reminder of betrayal and loss.


I put together some resources; movies, books and other notes that may be interesting to consider over the holiday.  I particularly enjoyed the PBS American Experience documentary series, entitled “We Shall Remain.”  The first episode of the five part series is After the Mayflower.  It tells what we now believe unfolded between the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag Indians. Through interviews with historians and re-enactments, this episode examines the Wampanoag's assistance to and alliance with the Pilgrims and the tragic events over the next 50 years.  It’s quite a story.  It is appropriate for general viewing but does contain some powerful descriptions and images which may be too much for very young viewers, for instance, a facsimile of a severed head. This occurs in the film after 1:09 minutes if you want to preview before deciding if appropriate for your whole family.


Here are some other resources I found thought provoking too:


Should I correct Thanksgiving stereotypes my kids see on TV?


Oyate: Recommended children's books about Thanksgiving


Teaching about Native American Issues


Have a very happy Thanksgiving.


Josie

Parent/Guardian Diversity Education Series- Part One

Hello Parents, Guardians and Teachers,

We had a great session with Nathan Shara this week. Nathan, a facilitator with Seattle Safe Schools, led us through an exercise to examine how we develop protective shields to negotiate the world, which protect us against social identity vulnerability, but can interfere with our ability to see and communicate with others. 

He started by drawing a heart which contained qualities of a newborn child. Participants offered qualities, such as "curious, trusting, capable of a range of emotions, unself-aware" etc. Around the heart we listed things which might be said to that child as he or she grows up, and considered how those messages varied if the child were light or dark skinned, able bodied or not, girl or boy etc. Messages proffered included, "you're sweet, exhausting, stupid, too sensitive, weak, a problem, ugly," etc. Nathan talked about how these messages are heart attacks, or attacks on the heart, and how in response, we develop shields to protect ourselves. Examples of shields were,"I won't care much about school work because everyone says I can't be intelligent," or " I'm going to numb out because I'm  not allowed to be emotional." He then had us perform this exercise for ourselves, listing our heart qualities, the messages we have taken in and the shields we developed as a result. It was a moving exercise.

You may wonder what this type of introspective work has to do with social equity or learning how to help our children with gender identity development, the stated objective of the workshop. I think one of the aspects which makes social equity work so compelling, if challenging, is that it involves both political and personal transformation. Neither is enough, and indeed both journeys, the internal and the external, fuel each other. When I started this work, I wanted a ready made answer, a book or a role play guide, to teach me the skills of parenting my children through a social equity lens. But the books and the expert guidance are not enough, unless the transformation is also occurring within. The example we embody to our children and peers, as parents grappling with uncertainty and making ourselves vulnerable to learning and tenderness in our own hearts, is the basis for any political change we will be able to accomplish in our families, our school or the world. 

Because of time constraints, we watched just a few minutes of It's Elementary. I am happy to announce a screening of the full length version of the film, with discussion after, on Thursday, December 15th, in the Community Room, from 8:45 until 10:45 am. Here is a link to the trailer for the film. 

Josie

Cultivating healthy gender identities in our children

Hello Parents, Guardians and Teachers!

I want to make sure that you are aware of the parent/ guardian diversity education event at our school this coming Monday, November 14th, in the Community Room from 8:45 am - 10 am. Nathan Shara from Seattle Safe Schools is coming to facilitate a discussion on gender identity in our children and how we can foster healthy gender development.

This week I thought of how applicable and necessary this conversation is for families as I read this article from the New York Times, about a just released study which reports that almost 50% of 7-12 graders experience sexual harassment at school. Given what we know about how gender identity is restricted and defended, with femininity characterized as pretty and passive and masculinity idealized as active and virile, it is not surprising that the harassment girls report involves being perceived as overly (hetero)sexual, with taunts of "slut" and "whore." For boys, the bullying revolves around being perceived as not traditionally heterosexual enough, with being called "gay" the most commonly described harassment.

The scope of this problem for our children and in our schools suggests that this is a concern for all families. We can learn how to help our children both defend themselves and resist the impulse to harm others by understanding how to cultivate healthy gender identity in our children. I hope you can come and participate in this important discussion.

Josie

Where Children Sleep

Dear Parents, Guardians and Teachers,

I want to share with you a link to a very compelling book, Where Children Sleep, by photographer James Mollison. In his words, "The book is written and presented for an audience of 9-13 year olds' intended to interest and engage children in the details of the lives of other children around the world, and the social issues affecting them, while also being a serious photographic essay for an adult audience." 

Take a look at this link. http://www.jamesmollison.com/wherechildrensleep.php 27 sample photographs from the book are accessible by clicking on the numbers at the top. This is a book one could use to engage children in empathic understanding of others, and begin to explore critically ideas surrounding equity, affluence, and privilege. 

Josie

Gender Spectrum Parenting

Hello Parents and Teachers,

I have been thinking recently about how children develop healthy gender identities. Last year, Nathan Shara from Seattle Safe Schools came and spoke with our parent group about biological sex, gender identity and gender expression. What struck me about his presentation was that before it, I saw gender identity as a particular concern of the LGBTQ community. After however, I recognized that all of us, LGBTQ and non-LGBTQ, are restricted and harmed by rigidly defined gender roles.

 For most children and adults, our gender identities match our biological sex, so gender and sex appear synonymous, and this synchronicity is considered “normal.”  Gender therefore appears (incorrectly) to be a biological imperative, rather than a social construction. For many adults and children however, biological sex and gender identity are not the same and growing up in a world with tight definitions of maleness and femaleness is a profound source of painful non-belonging.  As I noted above, this pain does not just affect those who are gender fluid, but causes all of us to limit ourselves. What man or woman, boy or girl could embody all the “ideals” of maleness or femaleness, and at what cost? Last year I was surprised to see that our kindergardeners had absorbed messages about what boys and girls were “allowed” to do and had started gender policing each other. One of my son’s male friends had been teased at school for wearing nail polish. Another made the observation that, as the after school chess club was entirely male, “girls must not be good at chess.”

Our children have taken in since birth hundreds of messages every day about what boys and girls are allowed to be, (and indeed, the message that one is only either a boy or a girl,) so it should not have surprised me, as it did, that they use these messages to make sense of their world. Often it is parents who are knowledgable about LBGTQ issues through personal experience, or who find themselves parenting a gender questioning child, who educate themselves and proactively strengthen their child to resist these messages describing restrictive gender roles. However I might argue that every child would benefit from learning to question these messages, not only to prevent teasing and bullying, but to allow our children to experience their full humanity.

In this effort of education and inquiry, here are two resources which provide insight into these issues: Gender Spectrum, a website providing gender sensitive support for children and teens, and Sociological Images, which provides commentary and insight into the social messages we and our children receive every day. The links will bring you to specific bookmarks within each site which I found particularly helpful for this topic.

Josie

Movie Night

Hello parents and teachers!


I want to bring your attention to several great DVD's which are available from our school library. (Did you know that parents can create their own library account and borrow material?) These DVD's are also available at the Seattle public library.

The first, That's A Family, gives children from a number of different families an opportunity to present their family to the audience.The families are adopted and biological, gay and straight parented, inter-generational and multiracial. It is appropriate for children and adults and can help start conversations with your children about diversity appreciation and empathy building.

The second DVD is Race: The Power of an Illusion. It was produced by PBS and is an excellent documentary for adult audiences. It is three parts of 50 minutes each. The first covers the myth of a biological basis for race, the second a history of race and the third a look at the results of this history in the present day. The school library just purchased this video and we may be viewing part of it in a workshop later this year, but it is available now for your viewing. Here is the link to the PBS website about it.

The Heterosexual Questionnaire

Hello Parents and Teachers interested in socially just parenting!

One of the things I read over the summer which has stuck with me was a short essay by M. Rochlin titled, “The Heterosexual Questionnaire,” from Privilege: A Reader, edited by Michael Kimmel and Abby Ferber. I have included part of it below from an open Internet source for you to read. Take a look.

1.       What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
2.       When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?
3.       Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
4.       Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
5.       If you’ve never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?
6.       Do your parents know you are straight? Do your friends and/or roommates know? How did they react?
7.       Why do you insist on displaying your heterosexuality? Can’t you just be what you are and keep it quiet?
8.       Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
9.       Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle?
10.   A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers?
11.   With all the societal support for marriage, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

What struck me about this piece, and will likely strike you as well, was how well it illustrated the concept that certain social identities are considered “normal” in dominant US culture.  Others, not considered “normal,” are made marginal or pathological.  Dr. Steve Jones described these as “one up” or “one down” social identities. The normalization or invisibility of a social identity can be difficult to see if you share that identity, but is often obvious to those who do not share the "normal" identity. This checklist which poses questions from a perspective of homosexual normality, highlights the often invisible normalization of heterosexuality.
We are given information continuously from birth about how these various social identities are valued in our dominant culture, so if you ask older elementary students, “Which is it considered better to be? A ___ or a ____?” they will be able to give answers in line with our dominant United States culture, even if they personally think differently. Some examples from Dr. Steve Jones of our dominant cultural norms:

Social Identity	“One up” group
Gender	Male
Age	Boomer
Class	Upper
Religion	Christian
Education	College+
Racial Identity	White
Ethnicity	European American
Sexual Orientation	Heterosexual
Mental function	Fully mentally able
Marital Status	Married
Language	English
Nationality	US citizen
Physical ability/ appearance	Able bodied, attractive

 Unfortunately, the value hierarchy of the dominant culture does not need to be taught to be absorbed, as children are already exposed to it hundreds of times per day in large and small ways. However what does need to be explicitly taught is the ability to recognize, reconsider, and eschew the validity of this hierarchy of social identities.
Take care all,
Josie